| Sad in good ways and bad. Emotional ranting |
[Feb. 9th, 2007|12:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
First the bad. Started school again and it's harder then I thought it would be. We have to learn about electricity, which I don't have the slightest idea of how it works and it's already been 3 weeks. The other thing is since I'm using so much energy on it, I'm much drained from what ever energy I might have had for drawing.
Finally how can someone being sad be good? Well mostly it comes from the end of series I really really like, like Sailor Moon, Full Metal Alchemist, Azumanga Daioh and Ojamajo Doremi. Its series that made me want to watch more, sad seeing them end, but happy they did. Wouldn't want one of them to run into something that will ruin my experiences with them, but it's still hard because I get pretty emotional without crying.
I have seen most of the series I like on German TV, which I don't have anymore and miss. They still rerun Dragon Ball I think, but it's not a series I would miss if it ended, that's just me.
I still remember how desperate I was to see Sailor Moon when I saw the first episode, I couldn't find the same channel again or what time it went on. Then it came on a German Channel called RTL2 and followed the whole series on there. That's the first time I was sad, is a good way. Show I really liked it.
The latest period of "happy sadness" is Ojamajo Doremi, but I wasn't able to see the two last series or even the OVA, only found out about it on Wiki it has completely ended.
Most anime or manga that I've seen with magic or other supernatural elements ends with them realizing they are okay without them, since they have to feel good the way they are and what they have.
Ojamajo Doremi has done it at the end of the first series, but I guess the popularity made them have their powers again.
Anyways, I've learned to know and love the characters, and it ends with them losing their magic again to be normal, the main characters have to split up to go on with their lives, they have evolved in each their own way and it the final scene is where the leading character has become what she wanted to be and wanted to do, from the very beginning of the whole series.
A very "feel good" series for me with a happy sad ending. It's said they would be friends forever, but I kind of feel they will grow apart, remembering them, just not keeping in contact.
This is my own bitterness talking, since I don't have a childhood friend I can remember or if I meet, wouldn't even greet.
I guess the series innocence is what really gets me, something I wish I could come up with; most of my series have a violent theme, and might be some egressions I'm working out.
Most of these series I would have loved to own on DVD in high resolution and background material. No, I'm wrong, I would love to have everyone of them, but looking at it realistic, I don't think I'll ever get the complete of most of them and then I ask myself "What's the point" and some have been changed in a way, that they aren't the original anymore and I wouldn't want that anymore.
I guess there is the slight chance that sometime, there will be a company that will take these series and put them all in a collector’s edition, but I won’t hold my breath. There isn’t really anything to do about it, I guess.
I guess this is where the “bad sadness” comes in again.
This is pretty much like ranting and perhaps pointless, but I just wanted to get it of my chest. Might do this again and again, just to remind me how much I loved these series. |
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| Argh, why should I bother... |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|06:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
For some reason, I've been getting more and more depressed. I can't find peace on the net anymore and seems everything I try to do around the house is wrong.
The temptations of just running in front of a moving train seems more appealing by the day, then actually be a bad joke.
I hope this is something that is going to change, feelings wise, but when you don't have a sanctuary to just rest, is there really any way to just be your self?
I mean, I haven't even had the urge to draw anything and when I do, it's not something I can finish, because I'm emotionally drained.
The more and more depressed I get, the more I seem to withdraw from the internet. I can't say it's a bad thing, but I have a lot of friends I don't want to loose. Okay, I have only friends on the net and none in real life except one. |
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| Angry voices that won't stop |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|12:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
My head is cooking over, things are getting worse and worse and people that used to be there for one, turn their backs to you. I know it's not easy being an artist, but why do I get the feeling I would be better off if I wasn't around? With crap happening at home and crap happening on the net, where can I feel comfort anymore? Where can I feel at peace where there is a battle all around me? There are some artist like Limeykat and tehsean about it, but I can't put my down my thought down into words, without thinking of a lot of swear words and graphical images.
I know it's unfair when an artist I know asks for help and needs cheering up, but how can I when I feel crappy myself and getting worse. I couldn't help him or myself and it's just tearing me up. I would have loved just standing in front of a car and just let fate take it turn. But then I would hurt people I care about. You know about the expression "between a rock and a hard place"? I would be lucky if I felt like that.
I'm suffocation, I want to express trough art, but even that I seem to suppress with silly art that doesn't even come close to what I really what. Who do I turn to, when I can't turn to others and myself?
Recently, the more I'm on the net, the more I feel trapped and the walls are closing in. I've made someone so mad at me, he is literately trying to destroy me, saying he will put up a site just to ruin me and my chances for trades or commissions.
If that wasn't enough, I've heard he knows some people that would make my life a living hell. I mean, what the heck. I haven't even called him any names or taken from him, and he is making sure that things would be as bad as possible for me?
Even heard someone is trying to steal some character from me.
This might sound like paranoia, but this person might pull it off to make me leave some things I truly enjoy, just to stay away from him. I even have to keep secrets so he won't follow me around and make things even more unbearable.
I'm soo angry and annoyed at something I'm trying handle peacefully, staying out of his way and he is coming after me. And the worst is that people keep asking about it, the people that is somewhat involved in it, and bring up something I'm trying to forget and go on, doesn't work when I'm not allowed to think of anything else.
This is ranting and angry words, and seeing that I have nowhere else to go with it, it might as well be here. |
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| Talking about Callie |
[Jun. 12th, 2006|08:28 am] |
Well since people seems to follow my journal, I'm guess I have to tell more about what goes on ^^
Might as well begin to say that Atariboy has left the Female Muscle Furries group which is sad, but he left of his own free will and does not seem he'll be back. All that I can hope for is that Atariboy takes care.
Besides the big drop in art coming to the group, I guess there will be some changes in two characters Atariboy and me created for the yahoo group. They are called Callie and Stella. When the site opened, we considered to have a mascot, so we decided on a collie character and tried to draw each his character to see who is best. We both liked each others characters and named our own character. I named mine Callie because I took the o out of collie and put in an a, and he did Stella, because he wanted her to be named after a game console.
Here are the first drawing I did of Callie and the first of them together:
http://img157.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc59&image=94676_First_Callie_ever_by_RedSilverArtist.jpg
http://img9.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc107&image=94681_Girls_together_by_RedSilverArtist.jpg
Since I liked the character to have a growth trigger, I gave Callie the ability to grow faster through music and sound. It gave her a reason for wearing headphones and it seemed to fit nicely.
Over the time me and Atariboy had Callie and Stella, we worked on a background story about them being sisters, their powers were related to their father that was an indian shaman and enemies. Callie was the more down to earth that took care of Stella and Stella was the free spirited being that loved to show off and get into trouble.
From time to time, I've used her for other things then art and even had the chance to roleplay with her. This is a scene from where she gets thrown through a ship and being attacked by robo-rats.
http://img146.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc73&image=94664_1135340828.redsilver.fmfcalliethroughafloodandintoawall.jpg
For some time now, they have been the mascots of Female Muscle Furries group, but because of Atariboy leaving the group, I think he'll take Stella with him, since he created her, but Callie will stay because it was me that created her. So the background story and relationship will change quite a bit, like Beth that first meet Stella and then Callie, falling in love with Callie. Or Micheal, the person that is a rich and loved Callie as well. Micheal is created by Atariboy, so I won't be using him and Beth is mine, so I have to work on her story again and try to keep her personality.
http://img148.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc159&image=94669_Day_Dreaming_Beth_by_RedSilverArtist.jpg
I have even a different sister in mind to replace Stella when the time comes. Hope she'll work out.
Sorry for the lack of human in this entry. Next time, I promise. |
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| And we're back on air |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|12:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I'm terrible at keeping logs, really. I've tried so many times, it's almost scary. I'll try to do better, but I don't have that much to say about my life.
Things have been a little up side down, because I've just moved with my parents and been sick. My parents are at their wits end and it's kind of hard to figure out how to handle it, because they can't really be reason with at the moment.
Things with Female Muscle Furries have also been going up and down, but it's not something I should disguess outside. Lets just say, it's filled alot of what has happend to me resently and not in a good way.
Still trying to write and draw some stories.
Here is one I want to make also into a webcomic. I can't say the quality is good or anything, but it has it charms. This isn't the only idea I had and I'll show you a character I wanted to become a webcomic character, but this is the most recent idea I've had.
http://img103.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc207&image=42304_NewComicIdeaRevised.jpg
This is something I wanted to finish for Might Of Maidens that Doc Wolph started, but as usual, I tend to be scared how people will react towards me finishing a story, that I just stop and regret... Talk about self sabotage.
http://img9.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc241&image=70311_post_1_11207_ToDoc02.jpg
This is Bunny Girl, a super genious fighting crime and trying to find her long lost friend that some secret agent company. So to hide who she is, she gets just alittle above average grade and tries to put out hints as Bunny Girl, so they would come to her. Yeah, silly idea, but hey, I've come up with worse ideas. I think I've shown some of these before, but better safe then sorry.
The Advance Bunny Girl is showing she is packing some serious hardware and chemicals within her armbands and shoulder pads. Both of which she doesn't use that much, she has to use them really. So far, she is happy using her standart holo muscle projectors, since they amp her strenght enough to lift 40 tons. She doesn't think she needs more and hopes not.
http://img129.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc280&image=65072_BunnyGirlAdvance.jpg
I was considering giving her a hammer, but I think it might be overkill really.
http://img151.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc144&image=64810_MyCharectersBunnyGirl001.jpg
Bunny Girl and Villains. I think Cat Claw is going to be one of her major villians or at least show up often.
http://img20.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc123&image=64805_MyCharectersBunnyGirl.jpg
Chura, one of my favorate creations and one of the oldest. She has a conplex background, good personalities and I just plain like her designs. This is the first drawing I've ever down of her and I used it for a website I had on Geocites. Geocites had some problems hosting sites at the time and I don't know if they still have, but I haven't used them since. Chura even deleloped into another webcomic idea I had. I have alot of those it seems.
http://img21.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc213&image=62463_Chura.jpg
This might look weird, but Chura is build to fight, even with her child like personality. I could tell what I meant about her being built, but some secrets are meant to be kept to make a character interesting, if I do make a webcomic of her ^^
http://img154.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc243&image=62467_ChuraAct.jpg
Chura is a werewolf now, but she wasn't that in the beginning of my concept of her. She has 4 forms now, 5 depending if her human counterpart also changes, but Chura is the greater power of the two personalities. Chura might let her try that form, but I haven't drawn that body concept yet.
http://img101.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc189&image=62472_ChurLise.jpg
http://img18.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc68&image=82469_FMFChuraLisaThreeBodiesTwoMinds.jpg
This is another character for the intro of the series, a person that is dependent on her glove to power up and she'll need it, because her first fight had to be Chura. The glove has a inscription that is what makes it work. I haven't found a name for her or even her colors. But I think she'll work with a few redesigns.
http://img120.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc111&image=82475_ComicIdeaChuraAndFighter.jpg
Last picture of Chura I'll show. Chura afraid of water and using her powers to hold her above water. I didn't color this, Psudodrake did. This like to thank him for it.
http://img147.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc156&image=70341_ChuraRSPDFinal.jpg
Here is some comic characters and cartoon characters I wanted to show, since I've seen mikazuki post some of She-hulk. Not that I can compair, but some might get a kick of out them. First one is She-hulk, Rampage and Mini-leader(Yes, I've been corrupted by Austen Power movies and I wanted a leader version for Rampage. For some reason, DC haven't been using Rampage for much).
http://img15.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc114&image=61888_MiniLeader.jpg
This is my Mary Marvel... she is just not so mary about anything. I think they have made the Marvel family a big too naive.
http://img22.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc176&image=61894_NotMineNotSoMerryMarvel.jpg
This was an idea for a comic with Totally Spies. It's a combination of two episodes, "It's How You Play the Game" and "The Incredible Bulk". I don't think they have made any other episodes about muscle growth.
http://img108.imagevenue.com/img.php?loc=loc147&image=61879_NotMineTotallySpiesSam3.JPG
So that's about it... oh, todays theme was muscle, if anyone should miss that. |
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| When a joke goes too far, or a way to ruin a months |
[Feb. 4th, 2006|12:57 pm] |
Besides cutting my finger, I'm pretty tired of hearing about 12 drawings that has been put in a news paper has to fill so much in my life. Have to almost hear it from when I wake up til I go t sleep. I haven't seen them myself, but that doesn't mean they have to be treated as if they were this important. Some art can influence our lives, but this was pictures that wasn't meant to be taken serious and because 3 artist and one Director of a news paper didn't figure out this will offend people this much, the whole country of Denmark has to suffer, which isn't big or has that much political power. I guess it shows the power of pictures, but is it really that much a reason to burn flags and has terrorist threaten Danes? I guess that's why I don't care much for religion or politics. Either one can turn into one big mess, like the one happening in Denmark.
More of it can be read here http://bibelen.blogspot.com/
I'm not it's everything that is needed to be told, but I'm sick and tired of hearing and reading it. I would rather spend my weekend with something else then being steamed over one stupid mistake a news paper made.
Besides this, I was thinking of starting a commission list with prices I have yet to figure out. I think 10 dollars for sketches and 15 dollars for inks. Colored might cost a bit more because of the quality it's going to be printed out. And then there is the handling of shipments and payment I'm trying to figure out. |
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| Jobless and restless |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|11:10 am] |
Well I'll try and be more up to date.
First thing, I'm sad I didn't go to a fur con with Jennet. I'm known him for a while now and would have liked to meet him face to face. But unless I become a millionaire or the continents suddenly moved together in a peaceful manner, I don't think I ever will ^_^;
Anyways, it seems he had fun and that is what matters.
Also would have liked to have to meet John Barrett again. Didn't get to talk to him much and he seem a little stress when I was at the con. Allot of commissions came his way and I couldn't tell if he was really happy for my gift drawing to him or he felt like he owned me something. I wish I can't tell him that I was sorry for making him feel guilty, if he was.
Atariboy (Here is some of his stuff. He is worth a look and does have reasonable prices to his commissions http://atariboy2600.deviantart.com/) seems to do fine. He is still working very hard at commissions because he needs to pay for some bills. Keanu (Atariboy's adviser) is trying his best to keep things together and take care of their income and such.
Kjartan Arnorsson (Karno, a person that has some interesting story ideas) seems to be allot nicer to me then I really deserve. You see, for about 4 years ago, he gave me a manuscript to draw fro him. Nothing massive, it's only 8 pages. But the problem is I'm trying to get something perfect and that he could be proud of. So far, I'm drawn sketches and such, but nothing finished. Would have guessed he would have been pissed at me or ignoring me from now on, but it seems he is okay and allot nicer then what I give him credit for. He said it should be fun to do. I think he is right about that, but I haven't had much fun lately, with people keep asking for free stuff. Even when they get it, they just want more and more. Anyways, I'm thankful Karno still talks to me and he is doing well.
Reason I haven't done many drawings lately, besides being an idiot about it, is that I've been down. Why? It's because I can't get a story together, written or drawn, and that I'm jobless and threaten to have my income taken away. It's not because there isn't enough jobs, it's just that, there isn't really any needed with my education. So I'm drifting a little here. But it doesn't mean I've not drawn anything. ^^
http://img466.imageshack.us/my.php?image=minileader8gn.jpg
Hmmm should do more backgrounds or porn pictures.
Oh, I’m paying for a room I don’t use and forced out in a few months. There is a twist, even after I get thrown out; I still have to pay for the room. It’s because it is a “kollegie” (Danish word, can’t find the English word for it) were people live together, use the same bathroom and kitchen, you have to pay a deposit of 62500 dollars. They might be a little scamming to this somewhere, but paying ¼ of my income for a room I’m not using sucks a little.
Anyways, that's all for now. Got nothing really big or great to tell about. Perhaps next time.
Only one more thing, to my horror, I've opened two, yes, two live journals by mistake. I've hoped I've fixeds this, but just in case, if anyone notice this again, please tell me. I've tries to delete it once all ready. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|09:32 pm] |
First update in a while and I'll update with my newest drawing.
Well I hope this isn't too poor of a drawing. THis is Sheeri confused with what her future might be. Could tell you some kind of storyline, but I think it's better if I leave it up to your imaginations.
Based on character from Polymer City and a gift to Chris Morrison
Web comic is here:http://www.polymercitychronicles.com/ |
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artist_tel_star's journal
